Wasting It All on Love

Kendra and Choir Members taking Communion on the mountain before their concert for God in AUDIENCE OF ONE

Three years ago, the only way I knew to begin telling the Audience of One story was to not think of a production. I'd done a big musical twelve years before, and I didn't want to get back into "production head," or "can-you-top-it" mode, which is hard on the ego and not a happy place in which to creatively exist. So I let the tide rising beneath my boat just carry me, and I followed the stream to see where it would go.

Once the script and songs began to take shape, I began to wonder if it was marketable—until an editor in Christian publishing pretty much crushed my spirit: "Put this musical in a drawer, learn from its mistakes, and move on to something else," he said. "Churches don't have youth choirs anymore, and frankly, it's just not that interesting of a story."

I had paid to consult with him, and he had made me cry—hard. It was just before Christmas, and I'd taken a walk in drizzling rain and cold while listening to his recorded critique, point after withering point.

"It's over. Done," I announced to my husband an hour and a half later when I finally had enough composure to return home, dripping wet. "If someone of his calibre says this story is not even interesting, why on earth would I keep going?"

The next morning I had a scheduled video call with a pastor friend. He told me about a similar experience he'd had consulting on a creative project of his own and then said, "You have to go back to this man. If you don't, your spirit will be permanently crushed. Audience of One is too important. You can't give up on it."

Who wants not only to return to someone who's pulverized their work, but also to pay them a hundred extra dollars to say even more? But I knew I needed to. Seeing him a few days later on Zoom with one of his certified gold records hanging on the wall behind him intimidated me at first. But soon, the conversation turned more collegial. He softened a little and began to see where I was going with this piece. I agreed with a couple of his points that others had already made to me, and he admitted he hadn't read the stage directions and had missed important details.

Hurley Addair as the Spirit of Doubt

For a few days after the call, my spirit was buoyed to keep working on the show—until the Spirit of Doubt (the character he'd told me creeped him out and whose dialogue I should assign to another character), got a chokehold on me all over again. It was early January, and I was in a state very similar to Kendra at the beginning of the show: "Suffice it to say I've clearly lost my way. Ooo...honestly waiting for a divine cue."

Ignatian spirituality teaches that you never make a decision when you're in a state of disconsolation unless you want the devil as your spiritual director. Rising to a state of consolation is something only God can make happen. For me, it came when I drilled down to my core motivation for telling this story: I didn't care whether the show was marketable or not. I cared only about following God's call and in pouring my tears and the entire alabaster jar of perfume on Jesus's feet, wiping them with every strand of hair on my head. Like Mary in the Bible, and Babette in the movie, Babette's Feast, every drop and every penny would be "wasted" on this production.

Six months later and nearly a week post-production, I feel like I've witnessed a miracle. I'm stunned that people found the story so engaging. What an incredible cast, production team, orchestra and tech crew we had to bring it all to fruition, and such beautiful and encouraging audiences you all were! Alice Tomasetti, one of the young actresses in the cast, wrote,"This show has honestly changed my life. I've never been in a cast and director team so intent on worshiping during rehearsals. I've worked with Christian theater groups before where we pray and dedicate shows to God, but this is different—this opened a perspective I didn’t know was possible in musical theatre."

Under the prayerful and masterful direction of Bonnie Bosso, this production was an extravagant convergence of talent, $65,000 worth of funds cobbled from a variety of sources, and hearts united in understanding what Mary did when she wiped the feet of Jesus with the most expensive of perfumes. I've tried to express to each and every participant how grateful I am, but I am still at an absolute loss as to how to say it emphatically enough.

Will the show go on after this? I have no idea, even as I'm already fielding a couple requests to license it. Next steps are up to God, who I trust will let me know in due time. But for now, I'll leave you with an image taken from the production where The Spirit Wind Dancer yields herself in front of the flowing fabric that represents the wind of the Holy Spirit. She is between having blessed Kendra in "The Prompting" for the Audience of One trip, and blessing the young Gabi, who had the dream confirming what Kendra heard. This is a picture of the Audience of One journey over the last 25 years, and it's a picture that's not about to change, whether or not the show has a life after this production.

May it also be a picture for you, too, for whatever is transpiring in your life, for whenever Doubt assails, and Faith needs to rise.

—ab

Marian West as the Spirit Wind Dancer